子乐与妈咪 | 童言童语（三）

子乐因为不听话被妈咪骂，结果闹别扭哭了。。。

子乐：哇哇哇哇哇。。。我要你抱，我要你抱！！！
妈咪：我不要抱！你要妈咪抱，你不可以哭！
子乐：哇哇哇哇哇。。。我要哭！我要你抱，我要你抱！！！

突然子乐安静了下来，走去拿水罐喝起水来。接着引擎再次发动。。。

子乐：哇哇哇哇哇。。。我要你抱，我要你抱！！！
妈咪：妈咪还是那一句，你要妈咪抱，你不可以哭！
子乐：哇哇哇哇哇。。。我要哭！我要哭！我要你抱，我要你抱！！！

突然子乐又安静了下来，走去拿水罐喝起水来。接着引擎再次发动。。。就这样重复了三次。。。

妈咪：（心里觉得很好笑但忍着不要笑）子乐，你在假假哭哦！为什么一直喝水？
子乐：妈咪，为什么我的身体没有水的？我喝了很多水，做么没有眼泪的？

妈咪就猜到是这个原因，这时已经再也忍不住了。。。

妈咪：哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！子乐因为这样就一直喝水？
子乐：（很认真地）嗯！嘻嘻嘻嘻！！！

子乐与妈咪 | 童言童语（二）

子乐和妈咪刚刚用了妈咪母乳做成的沐浴乳冲过了亲子澡。。。

子乐：哇！妈咪，你摸看我的手指，很滑咧！
妈咪：是啊？你摸看妈咪的滑吗？

心想自己的母乳沐浴乳的确很好，可以顺便在孩子面前吹捧一下！结果。。。
子乐走过来，很认真地摸了妈咪的手指一番。。。

子乐：嗯。。。很粗咧！妈咪，做么你的手指这么粗的？

妈咪晕倒。。。

子乐与妈咪 | 童言童语（一）

妈咪：这一个新年妈咪很不开心。
子乐：为什么?
妈咪：因为妈咪乖乖听话的子乐不见了。他没有share share玩具，没有爱护弟弟妹妹，又没有叫人。。。
子乐：妈咪，那个坏的子乐在我的身体是吗?
妈咪：嗯!你可以帮我找回乖乖的子乐吗?
子乐：嗯!妈咪，我把坏的子乐锁起来给police man抓走了。我是好的子乐了。（然后给妈咪一个紧紧的抱抱）

妈咪感动。。。事后是有比较乖一点。

Post natal depression

I showed mild symptoms of post natal depression during my two months maternity...

Firstly, I thought and expected things to be easier and better as I am not a first-time mummy. But things turn out the other way round. My girl was not an easy baby! She was a colic baby + oral thrush,  she didn't sleep and drink well. She cried a lot, and nothing seems to be able to soothe or calm her down.

Secondly, I was very concern on how Jayden feels about the new arrival. I felt guilty for spending less time with him, cutting down story-telling time and not paying much attention on him. And the more I thought of him, the more I felt bad and sad.

Finally, I always wonder why things go wrong and couldn't accept the fact that things would go wrong. I got very upset when things didn't reach my expectation. I became impatience and moody. I could be very positive at a moment and suddenly became very down and cried the next minute. Deep in my heart, I knew something is not right!

Jo noticed my changes too. He spoke to me one day about post natal depression symptoms, and I could feel how worry he was. I knew I have to do something for myself and the family. Instead of staying at home alone with the baby, I chose to spend more time with my mum when Jo is working. I called and talked to friends, and tried to think positive and be cheerful... Still I felt upset when things didn't reach my expectation, but I managed to pull myself back from having a lot of stupid thinkings and viewed things more from a positive angle. I must say thank you to my family and friends who have helped me!

Looking back at my two months maternity, I went through many sleepless nights when Tze Ee mixed up day and night, I went through non-stop crying hours when she was having colic and uncomfortable, I went through exciting feeding time when she was having oral thrush and didn't drink properly... But I also witnessed the first time she acknowledged my existence and traced my hand movement, I witnessed the first time she 'talked' and responded to my voice, and I witnessed the first time she smiles and giggles. I was  having a tough time with her but also the best time. I must say taking care of her is challenging yet enjoyable.

Today is my sixth day at work after two months maternity leave and I am a happy working mummy. My boy still demands my attention and my girl still cries, but I manage to get my old self back and be optimistic on things. Me and my kids have adjusted ourselves to new timing and daily routines. I make sure I reach home on time to change Tze Ee into sleeping wear, that's the best time I can massage her and play with her. And I make sure I have time for Jayden, talk to him and hug him. I feel I start to enjoy my life once again, a new life with a new live in the family...

To any first-time mothers or mothers, 

Do not expect everything to be easy or better. Just remember, our baby won't be cranky or difficult all the time. They will grow up and it is just a process that we, as a mother, need to go through. Crying is the only way our baby can communicate with us, so it is a way they talk to us. Baby is the gift from god for our marriage. Everything is going to be fine. Just take a step at a time... No one expect you to be a superwoman or 100% mother. Don't over worry on small things, be happy!

Our daughter | Teoh Tze Ee 张子瑜

On 18th September 2012, we welcomed our girl Teoh Tze Ee 张子瑜 to the family...

Her name, Tze Ee, is not the name from us. We came out a few names but none of it suits her well after we consulted a 'name-professional'. And to maintain the same 'Tze' in the middle (same as her brother), we picked not the best but the second best name for her.

Since then, Jayden calls out loud 'Tze Ee ah... Tze Ee ah...' whenever he wants to talk to his sister. And he came out a nick name for his sister - 'Wa Wa Tze Ee' (哇哇子瑜) because Tze Ee doesn't talk but cries. I think he needs time to understand that crying is the only way for his sister to express her feeling until she learns to talk.

I'm happy that Jayden loves his sister and shows very little signs of jealousy. He will kiss her tenderly, although sometimes his touch to her is still a bit rough. He also becomes a little helper at home, although he sometimes refuses to be when he wants to play his toys. Generally, I think he is a lovely and tender brother.

Few minutes out from the womb, eyes wide open...

My two angels

18 September 2012 (Part 2)

Around 2:30am, on the way to hospital...

My mind was still running. I was focusing on the interval between one contraction and another... I was praying in my heart that everything will be fine and smooth... and was repeating the same quote that my yoga instructor says at the end of every session "It is my divine right to have a beautiful pregnancy and peaceful delivery".

Around 3:00am, in the labour room... 

Everything in the labour room were familiar yet strange to me. My contractions were still 10 minutes apart. An old mid-wife came in, inserted her fingers into my vagina and announced I was 3cm dilated, another 7cm more to go. Cool... if my pelvic opens in the pace of 1cm per hour, I have to wait until 10:00am!!!

Around 6:00am, still in the labour room...

My contractions were about 8 minutes apart, and I was 5cm dilated. The pain was already unbearable but I refused to any epidural. I only relied on entonox (or they called it "the laughing gas") and an pain killing injection into the muscle of my buttock. Still the pain was there... argh!!!

Around 7:00am, still in the labour room... in a mess...

My first layer water bag burst, everything below me was in a mess now. Contractions were more frequent, 5 minutes apart or even shorter? I was not sure anymore... I only knew it came more frequently and last longer each time. I was 8cm dilated. I saw everyone was getting ready to welcome the baby, so was I. I kept saying to her "Come on baby, let's do a quick one and you will see daddy mummy very soon..."

I was asked to turn side way so that my baby girl could go further down to the canal. I was also asked to "push" only when contractions came. And everything happened thereafter was fast forward, pushing, resting, pain... but surprisingly I didn't even scream once even when tears were running in my eyes.

Around 8:00am, finally...

With episiotomy by the the doctor and a final push, my baby girl was out... I could hear her loud cry. I was crying too. She was on my chest and I could feel her breathing, it was so amazing! This little baby has been with me for 39 weeks and she was then resting on my chest, looking at me!!!

I felt happy that Jo was with me all the time even he mentioned he couldn't bear to see the delivery process long before I deliver. He was holding my hand and kissing my forehead, supporting me and leading me through the entire process.

Today, I have no regrets in insisting a natural birth that is good for the baby and proud that I made it this time!! I feel grateful for all the supports that Jo has given me, and helping hands from my mum and sister. I would also like to say thank you to my little boy, who loves me and his newborn sister so much. 

18 September 2012 (Part 1)

A day that I will never forget, I marked it "Unforgettable" in my calendar and will celebrate it annually with joy and great memories. My baby girl was borne this day...

My EDD should be 24 September. Jo and I were hoping of no early delivery because we are expecting a Libra instead of Virgo. But my instinct told me she will be out any time soon because I can feel the contractions became more and more frequent. I was still working as usual, walking across the street to Pavilion for lunch with my colleagues, doing some last minute shopping for the house and hubby... Of course, I need to walk slower when the contraction came and back to normal when it released.

On 17 September, I took a longer shower than usual. I packed stuffs that I need to bring to hospital. I finished all house chores and items that were listed as Outstanding Task in my handphone. Somehow I could feel and know it, she is coming out... That night, I told Jo that I may deliver earlier and informed my mum to get ready to come over if I need to go hospital. 

When light was off and my two boys were sound asleep, I was thinking if there are anything I should have done before I deliver. My mind was running, and I was counting the interval between one contraction and another... 30 minutes... 20 minutes... 15 minutes... 

I got up from bed, took out the bag I packed earlier and changed myself. When the interval became as frequent as every 10 minutes, I woke Jo up...

"Dear, we need to go hospital now. I think I'm going to deliver..."

"Huh? Now?"

Again, Jo was as blur as the first time when I said the same thing to him 3 years ago. But this time was less drama... no shouting from toilet and no bleeding, haha!

Before we left the house, I got Jo to take a photo of myself...

39 weeks pregnant look

Chocolate almond cookie sticks

Baking time again!!! Yohoo~~~

I want to try something more 'classy' looking this time, something that makes people say "wow" when they see it. Of course, I receive this kind of reaction from Jayden every time I finished baking. But I hope to get it from adults because adults are normally harder to please than my all time favourite little fan at home.

Key word is again "chocolate" for my little fan. I decided to make him chocolate almond stick this time, something similar to Rocky or Pokka cookie stick. Looking at the recipe, I foresee it will take slightly longer time and more effort than before. I woke up early in this morning and started the preparation.

First, I have to knead the dough. Kneading is the killing part for me!!! First time kneading a dough, using my very own baking sense to judge whether the dough right for its intention, whether it is too wet or too dry, too rough or too smooth...

Then with the rolling pin I rolled it into a big flat square, cut it into 12cm x 0.5cm sticks, put it into the oven and bake for 10 - 12 minutes. And, we are done with the cookie sticks!! 

Now come the part that makes the whole thing more 'classy', ha... ha... We need to melt the chocolate bar into liquid form and get ready the almond rice for use later. Once the cookie sticks are well baked, dip it into the melted chocolate and sprinkle some almond rice on it. Set aside until the chocolate layer is formed and cooled. And done!!!

My classy looking chocolate almond cookie sticks!