Post natal depression

I showed mild symptoms of post natal depression during my two months maternity...

Firstly, I thought and expected things to be easier and better as I am not a first-time mummy. But things turn out the other way round. My girl was not an easy baby! She was a colic baby + oral thrush,  she didn't sleep and drink well. She cried a lot, and nothing seems to be able to soothe or calm her down.

Secondly, I was very concern on how Jayden feels about the new arrival. I felt guilty for spending less time with him, cutting down story-telling time and not paying much attention on him. And the more I thought of him, the more I felt bad and sad.

Finally, I always wonder why things go wrong and couldn't accept the fact that things would go wrong. I got very upset when things didn't reach my expectation. I became impatience and moody. I could be very positive at a moment and suddenly became very down and cried the next minute. Deep in my heart, I knew something is not right!

Jo noticed my changes too. He spoke to me one day about post natal depression symptoms, and I could feel how worry he was. I knew I have to do something for myself and the family. Instead of staying at home alone with the baby, I chose to spend more time with my mum when Jo is working. I called and talked to friends, and tried to think positive and be cheerful... Still I felt upset when things didn't reach my expectation, but I managed to pull myself back from having a lot of stupid thinkings and viewed things more from a positive angle. I must say thank you to my family and friends who have helped me!

Looking back at my two months maternity, I went through many sleepless nights when Tze Ee mixed up day and night, I went through non-stop crying hours when she was having colic and uncomfortable, I went through exciting feeding time when she was having oral thrush and didn't drink properly... But I also witnessed the first time she acknowledged my existence and traced my hand movement, I witnessed the first time she 'talked' and responded to my voice, and I witnessed the first time she smiles and giggles. I was  having a tough time with her but also the best time. I must say taking care of her is challenging yet enjoyable.

Today is my sixth day at work after two months maternity leave and I am a happy working mummy. My boy still demands my attention and my girl still cries, but I manage to get my old self back and be optimistic on things. Me and my kids have adjusted ourselves to new timing and daily routines. I make sure I reach home on time to change Tze Ee into sleeping wear, that's the best time I can massage her and play with her. And I make sure I have time for Jayden, talk to him and hug him. I feel I start to enjoy my life once again, a new life with a new live in the family...

To any first-time mothers or mothers, 

Do not expect everything to be easy or better. Just remember, our baby won't be cranky or difficult all the time. They will grow up and it is just a process that we, as a mother, need to go through. Crying is the only way our baby can communicate with us, so it is a way they talk to us. Baby is the gift from god for our marriage. Everything is going to be fine. Just take a step at a time... No one expect you to be a superwoman or 100% mother. Don't over worry on small things, be happy!